We made fun of all of our friends (silently, of course). Look at ’em. Chasin’ the dream. Moving to LA and then moving to Nashville.
Then we did the SAME THING!
In all honesty, we were going to move to Austin, TX. I had been a high school teacher for a few years and was realizing that I was not going to make it long-term as a classroom teacher; I was going to be a statistic of one who doesn’t make it five years. I either need to get my Master’s degree and teach teachers…which I really thought would be great. (Or get my masters in curriculum and live the semi-introvert’s dream of writing in a cabin in Colorado for a living.) Or I could pursue music and ministry.
I remember vividly walking through my house in Sundown, TX. This is the decision I will look at when I am 50, and I will have to live with what I chose. I chose music.
We had friends in LA who said, “Come out here. We know the places to play; we’ll show you the ropes.” What difference did it make if we were going eight hours east to get new jobs or 18 hours west?
It took every penny we had. Maybe not so wise.
I learned many things in California. Insert that chapter here, but after a year there, an amazing story of miracles got us to Nashville, another story which I will have to skip for now. Maybe Chapter 4 in a book called “Diary of a Failed Rock Star”? Anyone?
But when we got here, Nashville, the Lord showed me that no, I had not arrived. I was at the bottom of a mountain. My 30s were approaching, and …did I not realize I eventually wanted children. Just when I was lunging toward deeper action to “work the scene,” I found out I was pregnant. Thus began the slow decline into a mind space in which my goals were out of reach.
It was a looooooooooong seven years of dwindling action toward music, I tell you….
“What happens to a dream deferred?” says Langston Hughes.
Well, I didn’t know either. And I hated it. Not knowing.
In that time I had unpacked my mother’s death from brain cancer and Zach’s best friend’s death from cancer. I had learned about healing and had some answers to my questions. I had grown in my perspective about our financial troubles. I was growing into the truths I needed to understand to be free from the tangles choking my joy.
My life looking nothing like I thought it would on the outside, but I had been changed on the inside.
When I sat down and breathed out Burdens Away in one sitting, it was a TRIUMPH for my spirit. That I could articulate what was still standing after the life-altering creative drought of motherhood and early marriage had wiped me clean. The dust was settling and I still had a voice, a prize of what was important to me.
I don’t know if I will ever write another song as important to me as this one.
Lyrics to “Burdens Away”
The world is loud, no one cares what you’re saying
And if they do, honey, nobody cares
They’re too tired from the burdens they’re carrying.
Stop talking and carry some burdens away
I’m a long way from where I was going
And as the days went on I got afraid
But it’s never a bad place for sharing
To be busy and carry some burdens away
No one knows where it’s been or where it’s heading
What with all the freedoms we go and throw away
If there’s no road, there’s a bridge to be building
So we can carry some burdens away
I thought Jesus was mine for the serving
I thought there’s so much to do to “get there”
Til I found out that He was my servant
And how He carried my burdens away
He’s my friend, now I’m yours for the serving
What he did for me, He’ll do for you, too
So let’s go to the river for washing
So he can carry your burdens away
Oh Jesus, he carried our burdens away
Pray With Me Out Loud
When the world has knocked me down and my assumptions have made a fool of me, Your Word is still with me, Lord. When my life looks NOTHING like I thought it would, Lord, Your Word is still with me. When everything has vanished, and even the dust settles on emptiness, and Your Word is all I have, it is enough. Your Word is in seed form. Fire can’t kill it. It is hidden safe under the ground. It will grow again. Flood can’t kill it. It is hidden safe under the ground. It will grow again. I put it in my heart. Man can’t steal it. Rejection can’t diminish it. Fear can’t alter it. To the degree that I will let it grow in my heart, the imperishable truths of your Word will produce the abundance that You have promised. Everything you have promised is mine if I will receive it and let it grow.
Click here for Charts for this song and the songs of Wild Hymn II, All Days Sacred
In My Songbook:
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