photo 1 copy

My Great-Grandmother:
Go to church.

My Grandmother:
Go to school.

My Step-father:
Get a job.

My Mother:
Just have fun.

My Aunts:
Raise a family.

My Generation:
Don’t get caught.

Tune them out.

Tune me in.


Friday, April 16, 2010

The Meaning of Life in Three Words or Less?

The Meaning of Life in Three Words or Less?My Great-Grandmother:
Go to church.My Grandmother:
Go to school.

My Step-father:
Get a job.

My Mother:
Just have fun.

My Aunts:
Raise a family.

My Generation:
Don’t get caught.

Tune them out.

Tune me in.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

“Staying” in the “flow” of grace…doesn’t start externally.

Way #3,994 that we turn receiving his free gifts of grace into a work.”While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”If I need to “stand under the spigot of grace,” and if my stepping out puts me outside of it, then my behavior is bigger than the span of grace. That could never be! “Grace greater than all our sin”? “Where sin abounds, grace abounds”?

If I am receiving “less” than the flow of grace into my life, it does not start by an external action to “step” back into the flow. It doesn’t even start by an internal ACTION of… “I need to trust. I need to yield. I need to….”

No. It is much better than that. Receive. “Yes, Lord. Thank you, Lord.”

He has “everything you need for life…” Receive what you need.

When I think to myself, “I need to embrace God more for this to happen,” I… we disqualify ourselves from the immediate blessing because we think we are stopping it by our lack of yieldedness. No we are ‘stopping’ it by not believing it is there. It was unbelief that kept the Israelites from entering the promised land. It was unbelief that made Peter start sinking in the water.

If God’s grace can pour out onto a hardened sinners heart and melt a heart of stone, and if God can answer the prayer of an angry heart that is full of faith, then this inward posture-holding, the inward attention to p’s and q’s, is only holding us back.

The serene look, the outstretched hands are of no effect. We focus on our obedience, our yieldedness, our actions, the amount of prayer, the “i should have fasted,” thinking, “I am doing what I am supposed to do.” It only deepens our wrong beliefs that he answers us according to our deserving.

Thank God he has GIFTS for me NOW in the MIDDLE of my SHORTCOMINGS! That is what the blood of Jesus purchased for me. What an abundant life!

When I realize that, I am set free from the laws of “you get what you deserve.” And I am able to run in a new spiritual realm of freedom in which EVERYTHING is FREELY given to me.

This stops the crud in my life because I no longer have to go to other sources for fulfillment.


Saturday, December 12, 2009

We weren’t two before baby

We were six.Me myself and I
You yourself and you.The illusion of independence.

Birth control isn’t even made from nature’s goodness;
it was man’s idea.
We were made for family,
to give and to receive.

Heaven’s display delivered to my house
walking through my living room
dancing to my music
delighting in my cooking
kissing my cheek.

I love you.
There’s just nothing like it.

Now we are four.


Being 25% of a family beats
being 300% of myself.

The joy of reality
mingled with pain
quick candy fantasy
every time.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

What I found digging through old boxes of “Go Through Someday”–written sometime in the last …10 years?? Dang!

First, you created my
placeI didn’t know you.Then, you put me in my place
as I resisted

I feared you.

You led me then to understand
my place

I believed you.

I saw that the place was perfect
and I was thankful

I love you.

And then you gave me the joy
of choosing that place

I know you

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Miranda’s Wedding

You Were There All through her childhood
My mother waited forever
She waited forever and there you were
So they started a family
They had waited forever
They waited forever
Then they said, “there you were.”How many times, o God, can you amaze me?
It’s a miracle, it’s a miracle, somebody loves me
Through the best of times, through the worst of times
You always remind me that You were there.All through my childhood
I waited forever
I waited forever and there you were
So we started a family
We had waited forever
We waited forever
And then there you were!

How many times, o God, can you amaze me?
It’s a miracle, it’s a miracle, somebody loves me
Through the best of times, through the worst of times
You always remind me that You were there.

All through our lifetimes
We’re waiting forever
Feels like we wait forever
Then there You were.

Inspired by Miranda and Justin’s wedding
while imagining both of them at the alter

Here are my highlights of the Miranda wedding experience:
(stay tuned for wailing and vomit.)

Ok, so my camara was dead the ENTIRE WEDDING–don’t ask–but literally last minute, Zach ran to get the cell phone to grab a pic of the car driving off. Better late than never. (Is that not a commentary on my life right now?) Barbara worked her magic on the flowers, and I did some songs, along with an amazing harpist who did the before and after music and who played the piano during the outdoor reception.

It was a really really beautiful rustic, country, shabby-chic kind of wedding. She had all kinds of wildflowers mixed together. Her dress had a vintage lace pattern on bottom with a modern schnazzy strapless top. The bridesmaids wore their own unique styles of black dresses. The minister was part Cherokee, and they did a few Cherokee traditions. It was a beautiful day and rained during the ceremony and stopped after. During part of the ceremony he said an old Cherokee prayer–while it was raining–“Now you will feel no rain, because you will be shelter for each other.” Pretty cool.

The getaway car was clad with the usual, including numerous prophylactic devices. They left on time and, really, everything went as planned–except that the ring bearer belted out huge wails when the groomswoman (yes, Justin’s best man was his sister!) didn’t TAKE the pillow like they had practiced (she just took the rings.) Devastating to a 4 year old, precious to the rest of us. And a cell phone went off during their personally written vows to each other. The vows won out and went uninterrupted as Miranda spoke: “I promise to nurture your inner-cowboy…… even when you’re about to jump off a mountain with a kite on your back… because it is through this that your spirit soars and your …[my memory fails].” Isn’t that great–she even got to throw in her poeticness…poeticity?…poetical nature?

It was a long very windy mountain road between the cabin and the chapel–a road that at one point in the backseat had me stopping to pitch some cookies on the side of the road… YUCK..NO LIE! This was right after a manicure/pedicure fiasco with 15 friends and bridesmaids trying not to panic after looking at the clock, realizing that we need to GO! The triple hurl was a nice comic relief. And thank God there were kleenexes in the backseat so that life could go on. (And I really should have chewed those strawberries better.)

So we should all begin practicing now… her name is … Mrs. deFluiter. D E F L U I T E R !!

Woo Hoooo!!!!!!

See pics of the wedding on under Client Galleries. Their wedding is at the top: Miranda and Justin, Gatlinburg, TN, 6/1/2009 (password: Mirandaj) or just click here and put in the password. BEAUTIFUL!!! Mike Cowart is an amazing photographer.

*The story behind the song: I was holding my mandolin walking around the house tootling around thinking, “Miranda asked me to play a song with the mandolin at her wedding….hmmm… wonder what that will end up being.” She had not decided what kind of song she wanted yet, etc. Suddenly, while imagining them there, I thought, “Man, Miranda has waited forever….6 years… for this day… how special!” From there, I thought, wait, we all wait for what seems like forever for that day. We think it will never come. I felt that way. My mom probably felt that way, and her mother, etc. So as I began playing, this song about that generational wonder unfolded. To me, however, the real nugget of the song that doesn’t quite come through is the fact that even though my parents, like many, divorced, God was THERE, creating a family, CREATING ME, out of that union. It is a beautiful thing to celebrate, even though it was a marriage that did not last. So it is not a story about perfect love, perfect beginnings or happy endings, but about God’s love through it all, bringing people together in love, creating families, creating children, that beautiful unending cylce that doesn’t stop being amazing just because two people divorce. The family still exists. They are still my parents. I am still their child. Their love for me still amazes me. My love for my husband and my child amaze me. In all of these things, he was THERE. In what may have seemed like a doomed mistake, he was THERE.

Here is a link to listen to the other song that I sang for her wedding— an awesome song called “Just Another Old Love Song”

Friday, January 23, 2009

Teaching some songwriting classes

This is where Zach works, and they asked me to teach some songwriting classes. I have just enough credentials to have my foot in the door. They did an article about it in the newspaper. Now, this is MAJOR! hahaha. The town we live in, Spring Hill, a suburb of Nashville, is about the size of Levelland, TX, I’d say, for those from my hometown. Click here to read the article.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A bit cliche….

A bit cliche to be “green” these days… but I don’t want to save the earth… just myself! I’m thinking about it … (like the diet coke* with the fries… you gotta start somewhere.) *and yes, we know diet drinks are now killing us, too.Several years ago I tutored a homeschooler whose mother was in final stages of cancer. A wholistic treatment had her on certain foods and makeup free because of the amount of chemicals daily absorbed directly into the bloodstream. She used only purified water to bathe, used no chemicals in her cleaning products, the whole nine yards. It was extreme for extreme reasons, I thought, but it planted seeds even as Karen Mayo-Chandler, Genevieve’s mother, passed away.The changes started in me personally after reading The Maker’s Diet at a friend’s prompting where I learned about probiotics and eating dirt and stuff (which I don’t do). That was all nice and fun, but dang that antibiotic-free chicken ain’t cheap. So we were half-rearing it.

Then when I got pregnant. I started with organic / chemical free makeup and that weird liquid deoderant when I was pregnant. That was all I was into. I stopped the coffee and diet drinks, too, but those things are more expected.

Then I randomly discover that I should not microwave Josiah’s water before a bottle… (don’t make fun if you already knew that!) … because it destroys the water molecules from being the intendended nourishment of our body. So… if it destroys water… what about my chicken! (We heard years ago that it zapped the nutrients… but big whoop, what person in their 20s cares about NUTRIENTS! ARE YOU KIDDING?!! hahaha… and if we did care, we’d take vitamins or something….) But this knowledge was new. So again, after a few weeks of pondering the “high price” to pay for acknowledging such truths…. out with the microwave.

Then, months later, with a baby and a cell phone around, I couldn’t take hearsay anymore; I decided to dive into a little research on the cell phones are hurting our brains thing and just about flipped out about the things I found. It still took months of not wanting to face it, but we finally got land lines afterall and are using cells only when necessary. Then we learned that most cordless phones in home use microwaves and are even MORE damaging than cell phones. Nice. We are still investigating to see if we need to get rid of ours.

Then the wireless internet in our home. Bad, too. Now, we know that it’s everywhere and just driving down the road, or walking around the city puts us in danger. But getting it out of our home can’t hurt.

People who are studying this say that this generation of youth who are growing up with this radiation exposure will have mental deficits and disorders like Alzheimer’s by middle age. That’s just worth crying about.

Lately it got deeper when (before the latches were on) I turned the corner to see my 9 month old son opening the cabinet beneath the sink, where he would have put something into his mouth to suck and “feel.” Bad bad idea.

A total stranger gave me the info about Melaleuca, an online store with prices cheaper than going to Whole Foods or Kroger’s Organic Section which now carries the Seventh Generation stuff and more, so more like going to Walmart. Most household products in your home, everything, sent to your door. Nice. But I’d like to find someone other than this stranger to help me set up the account so I can buy a few things here and there. Anybody reading this using it? I’m going to email all my friends to see if they know anyone… but I thought I’d blog here, too. Any takers?

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